I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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