I just pynch a tree in the face
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
