I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
