Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
