how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
