Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
