I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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