i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
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I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
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The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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