he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
