I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
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Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
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Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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