Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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