let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
