We won't sleep together?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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