Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize
