i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
