Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
