OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
