Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position