I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize