Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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