Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
