critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
