five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
