Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
