guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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