i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
