I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
