I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
