In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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