it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize