Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
