Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
