I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
