i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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