i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
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