You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
