I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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