My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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