We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
