Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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