It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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