I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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