CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
