Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize