How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
