don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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