There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
