Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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