I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
What drink are we having for lunch?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
