Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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