I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Can you bring me the toilet please
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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