So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I will pee on everything he values.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
