yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
50% drunk capacity currently
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
