So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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