Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
