What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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