He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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