I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
