I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
