We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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