Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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