Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
